My child was abused. What can I do?

After becoming aware of abuse it can be difficult to process this information, much less know where to seek help. But there are things you can do to help your child through the healing process. Here are a few tips:

• If the child abuse is immediate or severe, call 911 immediately.

• When speaking with the child, avoid denial, stay calm and allow your child to authentically communicate his or her thoughts. It is important to allow the child to speak freely, even if this includes strong emotions. 

• Reassure your child that he or she did nothing wrong and it is not their fault. Tell the child you believe them and want to get them help.

• Seek medical care from a licensed physician to address any physical injuries.

• Seek counseling services from a licensed practitioner.

• Report the abuse to the State of Missouri Child Abuse and Neglect Hotline at 1-800-392-3738.

• Contact local law enforcement and file a report. 

 What is abuse?

In general terms, abuse is any action which results in sexual or physical harm or psychological injury. Abuse can be in the form of physical injury or harm, sexual abuse, incest, psychological or emotional abuse. These types of abuse typically occur in combination rather than as an isolated occurrence. For example, a physically abused child is typically emotionally abused as well.
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Abuse can be deliberate, with the intent to harm, or it can be a result of negligence. Every state has laws which describe abuse. Laws governing child abuse in Missouri can be found here. https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/systemwide/laws-policies/statutes/define/

Missouri Statutes: Section 568.060.1: 

(1) "Abuse", the infliction of physical, sexual, or mental injury against a child by any person eighteen years of age or older. For purposes of this section, abuse shall not include injury inflicted on a child by accidental means by a person with care, custody, or control of the child, or discipline of a child by a person with care, custody, or control of the child, including spanking, in a reasonable manner.

Common signs of abuse -

Physical Abuse: Unexplained burns, bites, marks, bruises, black eyes or broken bones; fearful around adults; frightful of returning home to caregiver; shies away from touch or frequently flinches with touch.

Sexual Abuse: Difficulty walking or sitting; nightmares or bedwetting; demonstrates bizarre, sophisticated or unusual knowledge of sexual behavior inappropriate for his or her age; runs away.

It is important to realize that in some abuse cases there are no physical signs of harm, especially in neglected or sexually abused children. This is due to secrecy and feelings of intense shame, which may prevent some children from telling a caregiver they were abused. 

Emotional Abuse: Shows extremes in behavior (extremely compliant or demanding, extremely aggressive or passive); delayed physical or emotional development; displays inappropriately adult or infantile behavior; consistently withdrawn, fearful or anxious.

Some myths about abuse -

Myth #1: It’s only abuse if it’s violent.
Fact: Abuse is more than physical. Neglect and emotional abuse can be equally harmful as signs of these types of abuse can be subtle and are often overlooked by others.

Myth #2: Only “bad” parents allow their child to be abused.
Fact: Caregivers often feel guilt that their child was abused by another person. It is important to realize that sometimes abuse occurs when another caregiver or authority figure in a child’s life violates acceptable boundaries. This can happen without the primary caregiver’s knowledge.

Myth #3: Abuse only happens in “bad” homes.
Fact: Abuse can happen in any home, any neighborhood or community, in affluent or poor families. Abuse is equally common across all social, economic and cultural lines and is not specific to a certain “type” of home or family. 

Myth #4: Most abusers are strangers.
Fact: Abusers are more likely to be family members or have close ties to the child in some way. Statistics show that only 20% of abuse occurs by a stranger. 

Myth #5: My child doesn’t need to get care for abuse.
Fact: The longer a child is in an abusive or neglectful environment the greater risk for long-term psychological and physical harm. Research shows the earlier a child receives care for abuse, the more positive and long-lasting the recovery. 

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Longer-term effects of abuse -

Effects of child abuse depend on the type of abuse (whether physical, emotional, sexual or neglect) the severity and duration of the abuse. Rather than viewed as a single isolated consequence, effects of abuse are best viewed as a web of complex issues which are intricately connected. 

The following is a brief list of common long-term effects of untreated abuse:

Physical: Effects can range from bruises to broken bones. If severe, permanent damage, including death and physical disabilities, can occur. Other effects include higher obesity rates, smoking, increased risk of heart disease, cancer and stroke.

Psychological: Effects include depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, eating disorders, feelings of shame and worthlessness, distrust, reenacting abusive relationships, suicide attempts, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and other psychological disorders.

Educational/Economic: Effects can include lower academic achievement, lowered earning capacity, homelessness, reduced productivity at work or school.

Behavioral: Effects include acting out, high-risk sexual behavior, substance abuse, criminal behavior.